Lost In Translation
Your relationship is a precious entity in its own right. It needs to be cultivated, nurtured and cared for with all the love that it deserves. It’s important to take the time to communicate clearly with each other and to make sure that each is truly heard.
In these stressful times; financial worries and long work hours means it can be difficult to find that time. Busy work schedules and constant interruptions from all our wonderful technology can mean that there is little or no time devoted to communicating together in ways that are loving, meaningful, beneficial and helpful to your relationship.
Instead when life is stressful it can be easy to fall into bad patterns of indifferent and unclear communication. Messages get misread, meanings become distorted and people stop really listening to each other. In fact poor communication is one of the underlying issues that couples bring to counselling.
Poor communication is actually a bad habit – any behaviour that is repeated often enough becomes a habit and poor communication is no different. When a couple have fallen into the habit of poor communication its very easy for short term disagreements to become long term fall outs. Each partner ends up feeling hurt, resentful and angry. They blame each other for not being able to understand them; very often completely confused about where it all went wrong. How did they get into that argument? They can’t even remember how it began?
Poor communication happens on different levels. One of the most common of these I like to call:
Lost in Translation
Lost in Translation happens when words and feelings become misaligned. The words don’t represent the underlying feelings at all. They simply represent the fear of showing those feelings.
Lost in Translation happens when a person uses certain words because:
- They want to win
- They don’t want to lose
- They don’t want to lose face
- They feel embarrassed
- They want to keep the peace
- They want to hurt the other before they get hurt
- They say what the other person wants to hear
Lost in Translation usually comes from a place of “the fear of showing the feelings” that are really going on in the person’s heart.
Think about it – how many times in the middle of a heated discussion have you stopped and said
- I am scared you will think I am silly if I show my feelings
- I feel so ashamed and I don’t know what to do about it
- It’s because I am guilty
- I feel so hurt and I don’t know how to tell you
When a couple get Lost in Translation each person is feeling the language of their heart yet speaking the language of fear and power games.
As one person makes a statement about something, the other may feel hurt, confused, and angry and they make a split second decision to say something back in defence. In truth this has nothing to do with how they are really feeling or what they really want to say – it’s just been filtered into something that they think will shield them from their vulnerable feelings.
The next thing you know doors are being slammed, voices are raised and a day out, or a day in, is ruined.
Becoming Lost in Translation is very common in relationships and with a little help it can be resolved. Once upon a time you were able to communicate in meaningful, loving, clear and beneficial ways; in fact that is what brought you together in the first place – speaking from your heart!
As time goes on fear creeps in; you seem to find it difficult to take that risk for fear the other will think you small or belittle you in some way so you get into the habit of putting on your verbal armour and pulling out your verbal sword when potential power struggles seem to be on the horizon.
One of the great things about Couples Counselling is that it provides you the much needed space to take the risk to say what is really on your mind – from your heart and with the help of a qualified and experienced therapist who understands the processes unfolding. It’s wonderful to see couples opening up and sharing their vulnerability as they once did….and as they begin to share how they have really been feeling; their relationship becomes so much stronger.
When couples cease translating their vulnerable feelings into words of power and battle they quickly return to nurturing their relationship; for all the love that it deserves.
I offer Couples Counselling in Weston-super-Mare and in Taunton.
If you would like to make an appointment give me a call on
01934 642976.
If you would like to find out more about my practice or to email me simply click here to go to my website
With love and with care
Marléne Shaw
What to Do When You Dont Know What to Do
We have a wonderful gift of life; in fact it is a wonder – full life!
ach and every day life presents us with a ceaseless flow of options, opportunities and alternatives to choose from. From these we decide how we want to create our own life. Shall I go here or go there? Join in or stay out? Eat this? Wear that? Accept or reject? Agree or disagree? And so it goes on – a perpetual stream of choices and alternatives; a paint palette for life.
Sometimes we get so caught up in all of life’s choices that we become overwhelmed; we get our priorities all wrong. At times like this it’s very easy to forget our true values and get caught up in seeking status; feeling that we must have things or achieve things in order to be loved and accepted by others. Without being fully aware we begin to make choices that have nothing to do with who we really are. We make poor decisions because we want to please others, or not be alone, or bring in lots of money, or keep someone happy, or because we think we need lots of things to make us happy.
When we get caught up like this we start to feel the stress of unhappiness; that is a sense of things being out of alignment with who we really are. It’s at times like this that we start to question what’s going on in our lives; why is this happening, how did I get here, what went wrong? Its then that we find ourselves thinking:
“I don’t know what to do!”
What should you do, when you don’t know what to do?
Do nothing.
Really do nothing; instead, focus on how you are being.
When you stop to think about it you see that Life is a state of being. It is not a state of doing; we are human beings not doings!
We do not say:
I want to do happy, I want to do healthy, I want to do fulfilled
We say:
I want to be happy, I want to be healthy, I want to be fulfilled…..and I want to become happier really breaks down into – I want to come to “be” happy.
When you are in a state of being you are fully aware of your thoughts and your feelings. Little wonder then, that when we run around like a headless chicken doing, doing, doing without true awareness of how we are feeling or what we are thinking at our heart level we run into trouble.
What is the difference between being and doing?
Doing involves taking some form of action
There are two types of doing action. The first is what I call heedless doing; this comes from a lack of conscious awareness of who you really are. It is simply reacting to a situation or an event in your life without really paying attention to what is really going on. You grab at things because you think they will make you happy, you go for something that you think will give you standing and status. This is the type of doing that really doesn’t help – it is reactive behaviour rather than responsive and it is based on unclear thinking and lack of awareness.
Then there is informed action, this is a type of doing that is much more healthy; its comes after a state of being, it is a peaceful calm aware informed response based on having been fully in touch with the event or situation and making an informed choice about how to respond.
Our being-ness tends to sit in our emotions. We use our thoughts to stop and register those emotions. When we ask ourselves questions like:
- How do I truly feel about this situation?
- Does this event make me feel good – or uncomfortable?
- Why do I often feel a sense of irritation when this event occurs?
It is when we truly stop to ask these questions that the answers come – undeniably and entirely clear. A good way to access your being-ness is to go out into nature, meditate or simply do a creative activity such as drawing or painting. Your answers will come to you
This is your inner voice speaking to you. Your inner voice often speaks the language of feelings and when you use your mind to stop and listen to it you gain a great deal of clarity.
You see we all know deep down what we truly want and who we truly are. We just need to pause to take time and focus on being; to trust ourselves and trust our inner voice to tell us guide us.
So the next time you find yourself thinking “I don’t know what to do! “
Do nothing, stop and simply be for a while. Then your answers will become clear.
With Love and with care
Marléne Rose Shaw
I offer Counselling in Weston-super-Mare and in Taunton.
I also work with many clients via Skype.
If you would like to make an appointment give me a call on
01934 642976.
If you would like to find out more about my practice or to email me simply click here to go to my website
Embracing Change: Loving your creative self
The one thing we can guarantee in life is that change will happen.
Embracing Change: Loving your creative life is my my latest short eBook. It looks at change as a natural part of life, the reasons we sometimes fear it, and how to welcome it into our lives so that we can experience the joyful and creative life that we are meant to have.
The book starts with the following……..
David sat across from me frowning.
“I can’t understand why she’s being so negative,” he said. “This would give us a much better life but all she can see is problems. She does this whenever I want to do something better for our future; I’m getting really fed up with it!
David’s company had offered him a promotion. The new job, based in Rome, Italy was an appealing chance to have a bright future. Living abroad, learning a new language and absorbing a different culture was something that really appealed to him. To David this opportunity was really exciting; another of life’s great adventures.
His wife Caroline was not so sure. Where he saw adventure, she saw risks, where he saw excitement she pretended disinterest. Their differing attitudes and their constant arguments had brought them to such a breaking point in their relationship that they even wondered if they even had a future together at all….
Sleep Well-being
Your life is meant to be joyful, contented and happy. However the pressures of modern day living can create stress, worries, and issues for you to deal with each day. When you are at your optimum levels of vitality, energy and enthusiasm, you can manage these stresses much more easily and experience your life in a more joyful and contented way. When you are not at your optimum levels, these issues can seem magnified; you feel overwhelmed and unable to deal with all the pressure.
Sleep Well-Being
How much energy we have in the day, how vital we feel and our enthusiasm for life; all these can be very much influenced by the amount and the quality of our sleep.
How much sleep should you be getting?
Research informs us that we are all different, with no specifically defined number of hours for a good sleep, but that there are some general recommendations. Guidelines suggest that children need around 14 hours of sleep, gradually decreasing to adulthood where you will require around 8 hours’ sleep each night.
Some lucky people have a wonderful restorative sleep through the night. They awaken rested, replenished and able to face the day with zest and vitality. However for many people achieving a satisfactory number of hours sleep; undisturbed and peaceful, can seem an achievement out of reach.
For those people it is easy to give up and simply become a martyr to insomnia. However with some effort and a positive attitude it is possible for most people to become a habitual good sleeper.
Days affect Nights
Getting your day-time life into a routine is one of the best ways to help yourself sleep at night. If you have a bad night, you may find that you are playing catch up all through the next day.
You know deep down that routine is good for you but when it comes to stopping to sort out a routine, you may well be thinking:
“Oh but I haven’t got the time to stop and plan my day! I’m too busy getting on with it, there’s just not enough time!”
Actually as Einstein taught us, our perception of time is a very personal experience. Yes of course, there are some specific tasks that need to be set and completed by the clock; but there are many more situations where we imagine time is stealing from us so we run around in chaos and panic not really achieving anything. Then we go bed and worry about it all night.
When you choose to stop, take stock, take a break to organise your daily routine, you will find time becomes much more giving to you, rather than taking from you. You will be able to focus and enjoy your day.
Organising your day, will by parallel, help you to organise your thoughts, so that you won’t feel so restless and worried when you go to bed. You will be able to drift more easily into a sleep that doesn’t get interrupted by wakefulness and racing thoughts, fears and “what ifs”
Sleep schedule
It’s really very helpful if you can create your own personal sleep schedule
Many people just simply wait until they feel tired, and then go off to bed without any real awareness that this random approach is actually harming their sleep patterns.
The first item on your sleep schedule is to ALWAYS go to bed at the same time every night; and ALWAYS get up at the same time every morning.
Keep this up even on days when you don’t have work, such as weekends or days off. When you keep up this consistency your body’s sleep-wake cycle gets so used to it that it knows when to sleep and when to wake.
Alongside this, there are some important Dos and Don’ts to consider when designing your personal sleep schedule.
• Do Create a routine by doing the same things every night. – this tells your subconscious mind that it’s time to wind down relax, get sleepy.
• Do Read a book by soft light, or even better take a dip back into your childhood, let someone else read to you or listen to an audio book
• Do use lavender. Lavender is the most powerful aroma for aiding sleep and it goes back as far ancient Greece around 2,800 years ago. So it does work!
When you use lavender oil, make sure it is proper essential oil and not a room fragrance as those can often be chemicals not the real thing. You can buy lavender essential oil from health shops or online. I find the slightly more expensive ones are actually the strongest so you only need to put one drop on your pillow. If you don’t want to put essential oil on your pillow, use 2 drops in an oil burner. Only leave it burning for about 5 minutes. However, oil on your pillow is usually best as it lasts all night. Or even on a hanky by your pillow.
Then there are things to avoid
DON’T fall into the trap of using alcohol to get you off to sleep (even a small amount) – Alcohol is sneaky. It will pretend to help you sleep, and then wake you up in the middle of the night. It actually creates a disruptive night making you sleep too lightly and it will dehydrate you.
DON’T watch TV or use a computer within 30 minutes before bedtime, it will have your mind racing and the lighting is very bad for your brain preventing the brain activity from promoting healthy sleep.
Just like changing your diet or taking up exercise, so you need to focus and attend to your sleep.
Once you create your own sleep plan and put it into practice you will find that you become more productive, mentally sharp and emotionally balanced in the day time.
It’s Up To You
It’s very helpful to remember that you yourself are the creator of your own life, that you can manage your sleep with a little effort – and sometimes with a little help.
If your sleep is being disrupted by racing thoughts, fears and worries it may be time to seek some help from an experienced counselling therapist. Anxieties and fears can often stem from past experiences, current day to day problems or a mixture of the two. Working with a counsellor will enable you to untangle what is concerning you, to process painful events and relationships and to let go of issues that are keeping you stuck and unhappy.
Taking control of your sleep; managing your day to day routine, considering your sleep schedule and seeking some extra help if you need it, will offer you such rewards of vitality, enthusiasm and energy, so you can begin to lead the happy and joyful life that you were meant to have.
Thank you
For counselling in Weston-super-Mare; please contact me by calling 01934 642976 or visit Counselling in Weston-super-Mare
For counselling in Taunton; please call 01934 642976 or visit Counselling in Taunton.
For Telephone counselling please call 01934 642976
For Skype counselling please fill out the form on the Online Counselling page
Retrain Your Brain – The Power of Positive Affirmations Part One
Positive Affirmations are absolute and assured declarations that we make about ourselves and about our world.
How we think has a considerable effect on how we experience our life. Our mental, emotional and physical well-being can be greatly improved by becoming aware of our thought patterns and changing them for the better. Positive affirmations are an easy and very helpful method to retrain your brain to move away from anxiety, depression, stress and unhappiness; and into a much happier experience of life.
It has now been scientifically proven that how we think actually rewires the brain to create new neural pathways. By actually choosing our thoughts we can rewire the neural pathways which in turn make it easier to have more positive thoughts. It is a little like exercising, as your muscles become more developed you find it easier to do the exercise and it becomes almost second nature to you. Practicing positive affirmations is just the same. The more you retrain your positive thinking, the easier the positive thinking becomes.
Neuroscientist Dr Joe Dispenza says
“There is sound evidence that our thoughts do matter. We always replace those old patterns with a greater ideal of ourselves. If rehearsed mentally, we will grow new circuits in the brain, the platform in which we stand on to execute a new level of self.’”
Many of today’s therapeutic methods include a focus on thinking awareness. Perhaps the best known ones are Mindfulness and C.B.T Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Cognitive.
As you learn to change your thinking patterns you begin to feel better in every way. Positive affirmations are a great way to “retrain your brain” to begin taking a more positive approach to life as a matter of course.
Deepak Chopra author of ageless Body, timeless Mind states
“Our cells eavesdrop on our thoughts”
What a lovely phrase!
Using positive affirmations not only enables us to feel happier in our emotions, it also contributes to much better health. We all know someone who seems to have constant ailments and who takes up much of their time talking about them. Considering that we are unable to talk about a subject without first having thought about it, these people must therefore be using much of their thinking time focusing on these negative thought patterns too!
Your body has a truly wonderful and complex system which helps you to fight illness. Thoughts lead to emotions and emotions set off chemicals in your body which can make the difference between whether your immune system works efficiently, or not. If you are thinking angry, sad and negative thoughts often, you are actually weakening your immune system. The chemicals in your body which fight off infection can be clinically shown to decrease.
If you realise now that you have been thinking negatively; this is a good thing as you now have an opportunity to change your thoughts and to help yourself heal physically, emotionally and mentally.
We are all unique individuals connected to a higher power. That higher power is a place of love and of nurture for each of us. When we focus on positivity we are basically saying that we recognise that higher power; that we are noticing that we are gifted with a wonderful life to enjoy as we choose. It is our life and our choice. Every single life matters and every single person has a divine right to feel happy. You can decide to think positively if you want to, and as you begin, you will find that you connect with the world in a different way. You will see that people around begin to interact with you in an improved way and you will find that you notice opportunities rather than dwelling on what you do not have.
Susan Jeffers, author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway has been recommending people use affirmations for many years. In fact she says you don’t even have to start off believing the affirmations you are using! She says,
“If you say affirmations often enough, you will ultimately believe them. The reason for this is that affirmations are a form of “acting-as-if”. If you act-as-if long enough, your mind lets in the possibility that something is so. ”
Whether you take a viewpoint from science or a more spiritual viewpoint the conclusion is the same. How you think has a considerable effect on how you experience life. Changing negative thinking into positive thinking will enable you to increase your well-being in all areas of your life. Your physical health, your mental acuity and your emotional stability will all benefit greatly. Practicing the use of affirming your life can only benefit you. In the next post I will be look more at what affirmations are in more detail and how to use them effectively.
With love and with care
How to Say “No” and Influence People
Life is busy. It seems to get ever more busy these days.
Money is short, time is precious. We rush around trying to fit everything in. It’s easy to spread yourself too thin, trying to make sure that everything is done and that everyone is kept happy; the kids, your partner, your friends, relatives, colleagues, clients, the boss, the house, the payments!
Whichever way you turn it seems that something else is on the list.
There always seems to be something you have to do, someone who wants a “Yes” from you.
Do you ever say “No” ? Do you ever say “Not now?”
In my therapy practice, I see a lot of clients struggling with boundaries. Boundaries are everywhere in life. They are the limits by which we relate to our world and to other people.
Our boundaries can be thought of as guidelines; as the rules that you as an individual person create, and which you consider to be permissible and appropriate ways for others to behave around you according to your life-style and choices.
Many, many, people struggle with boundaries in their lives. It’s often only when life becomes chaotic that we even stop to consider them.
I am reminded of the story of the old man, the boy and the donkey. It goes like this:
Once upon a time there was an old man, and a boy. They had a long journey ahead of them across mountains and rivers, through villages and countryside.
They had a donkey to help on their journey.
They set out early one morning; the old man sat on the donkey whilst the boy walked beside them.
When they reached the first village to take a rest, they heard people saying
“Look at that poor young boy having to walk whilst that man sits on the donkey!”
So when they left that village, the old man put the boy on the donkey and walked by their side.
When they reached the next village to take a rest, they heard people saying
“Look at that lazy young boy sitting on that donkey whilst that poor old man has to walk!”
So when they left that village the old man and the boy both sat on the donkey and continued their journey.
When they reached the next village to take a rest, they heard people saying
“Look at that poor donkey- straining under the weight of those two people!”
So when they left that village the old man and the boy both walked along-side the donkey and continued their journey.
When they reached the next village to take a rest, they heard people laughing and saying
“Look at those fools – they have a donkey to ride and yet they choose to walk!”
So when they left that village the old man and the boy lifted up the donkey and carried it themselves.
As they walked across a rickety old bridge, they couldn’t hold the weight of the donkey any longer and they collapsed into the river.
They all drowned.
The moral of the story is – you cannot please all of the people, all of the time; because if you do you will sink and drown!
When life is frantic it’s easy to fall into a pattern of saying “Yes”, “OK Yes”, Yes I can” ,”Yes I will”
We do this with people in our lives and we do this with tasks and with work situations.
Always remember that BOUNDARIES=RESPECT
Ultimately we cannot please everyone because each person is different and their needs will clash and conflict.
As we try to please everyone we forget about our own needs. Our self-esteem plummets, we feel stressed and overwhelmed.
We get less respect from others, even those who are well meaning people. We are giving them a message that we don’t respect ourselves so they simply follow that message.
If your life seems chaotic it’s a great idea to look at your boundaries. Learning to say “No” in a level-headed and negotiated way will make immediate and significant changes for the better.
The best way to approach using boundaries is in small steps. If you have been running around saying “Yes!” to everything and everyone for ages, you will find that suddenly saying “No!” will only lead to conflict and confusion because people won’t be expecting it.
However if you start practicing your boundaries in small steps, you will find this to be invaluable and as you become more confident in yourself, so others will follow.
Accept that you cannot be all things to all people.
You are a wonderful being; a loved and loving being.
Give all that feels right for you.
Receive all that feels right for you.
Be content that you do your best, and that that is good enough.
And most of all enjoy this journey.
I have developed a useful worksheet on boundaries for you to print out and fill in. You can download it from here:
http://www.marleneroseshaw.com/iloveWorksheets/BoundariesUse.pdf
For counselling in Weston-super-Mare; please contact me by calling 01934 642976 or visit Counselling in Weston-super-Mare
For counselling in Taunton; please call 01934 642976 or visit Counselling in Taunton.
For Telephone counselling please call 01934 642976
For Skype counselling please fill out the form on the Online Counselling page
A New Year – Every Starfish
It is 2012. A New Year!
What are your plans for this coming year?
Do you have hopes and dreams to aspire to?
Have you made New Year’s Resolutions?
Recent years have been somewhat tough for many people; with global level recession filtering down to individuals, it seems like most people have been affected in some way.
We have been witness to devastating evidence of climate change, species lost, carbon emission excesses, greed and materialism.
The media is full of doom and gloom. Negativity abounds.
In recent years there has been a growing call for change; authors such as Neale Donald Walsch suggesting we forget outmoded attitudes that simply don’t work and that we should start a “Global Conversation for Humanity”.
Barbara Marx Hubbard has described a new world view in her book Conscious Evolution; calling for people to recognise that we are affecting our own evolution through everything we do – for the first time we have the power to choose the future of our planet!
People are often reflective at this time of year. We say goodbye to the old year and resolve to “make good” in the new. We think of ways to improve our own individual lives and to contribute to positive changes on a social and a global level.
We start off with all good intentions but sometimes we can become lazy and we can allow sceptical thoughts to creep in.
“What can I do really? - Does this recycling really make a difference? - Does buying Green really matter? - Surely just by me using less petrol isn’t really going to change the world?”
I am reminded of the story of the Little Boy and the Starfish by Loren Eisley.
It goes something like this:
Once upon a time an elderly man was walking along a deserted beach. He came upon a boy surrounded by thousands and thousands of starfish. As eagerly as he could, the boy was picking up the starfish and throwing them back into the ocean.
Puzzled, the older man looked at the young boy and asked, “Little boy, what are you doing?”
The boy responded without looking up, “I’m trying to save these starfish, sir.”
The old man chuckled aloud, and queried, “Son, there are thousands and thousands of these starfish and only one of you. What difference do you think you can make?”
Holding a starfish in his hand, the boy turned to the man and, gently tossing the starfish into the water, he said, “It will make a difference to that one!”
Be assured that we each can make a real difference to our world.
It is time, now, to make changes.
We are small in our universe. Our universe is infinite.
All that’s required, is for each of us to make our own small contribution, and in the natural flow of things, our universe will take care of the rest.
Wishing you all a Happy New Year
With Love and With Bliss
Marléne Rose Shaw
For counselling in Weston-super-Mare; please contact me by calling 01934 642976 or visit Counselling in Weston-super-Mare
For counselling in Taunton; please call 01934 642976 or visit Counselling in Taunton.
For Telephone counselling please call 01934 642976
For Skype counselling please fill out the form on the Online Counselling page
A Conscious Evolution
Barbara Marx Hubbard is a prolific futurist, social innovator, speaker, author, educator and leader in the new worldview of conscious evolution.
Conscious Evolution
Conscious Evolution describes us as a generation of choice. We now have the ability to affect our own future.
Due to the increased power given us through science and technology, we are learning how nature works – the gene, the atom, the brain. In fact we are affecting our own evolution by everything we do.
With these new powers we can destroy our life support systems … or we can move toward a hope-filled future of immeasurable possibilities.
We are the generation of choice but we do not have much time to choose. We must be aware, and we must take action
Conscious Evolution is the worldview that has arisen precisely at this moment in history to deal with the new human condition.
It is a vision and a direction to help us navigate through this transitional period to the next stage of human evolution.
A new place of consciousness is required.
In simple terms Conscious Evolution takes place when we intend to grow in consciousness and use our increasing awareness to guide our actions and achieve a positive future.
This book is full of stunning insight and spiritual motivation. It is now time to make changes. Barbara Marx Hubbard takes her deep insight into our human potentials for conscious evolution and envisions social architecture for more fully conscious societies.
I would highly recommend this book for anyone interested in a new world view.
Purchase from Amazon – CONSCIOUS EVOLUTION: Awakening Our Social Potential
For counselling in Weston-super-Mare; please contact me by calling 01934 642976 or visit Counselling in Weston-super-Mare
For counselling in Taunton; please call 01934 642976 or visit Counselling in Taunton.
For Telephone counselling please call 01934 642976
For Skype counselling please fill out the form on the Online Counselling page
The True Spirit Of Christmas – A Challenge
Time has flown and Christmas is fast approaching! As each year passes I become increasingly aware that several clients view this time of year with apprehension and foreboding. Christmas in itself seems to only add to the issues that they have brought to counselling.
They will often describe being depressed and just having to “get through” the Christmas holidays.
People feel disheartened by constant advertising in the media which encourages self-indulgence and greed. They feel upset that this time of year seems to have become about commercialism and about people trying to buy each other’s love with expensive and often wasteful gifts.
Over the years clients have cynically described to me their sense of disgust; at watching people in supermarkets overloading shopping trolleys with so much food that some of it will inevitably go to waste!
They despair at children being given more and more technology to babysit them; whilst their parents neglect to teach them the true value of family, love, respect, sharing and charity.
I have to confess that I have had these negative thoughts about the Christmas period too.
What has become apparent to me recently is that we all seem to be looking to others to provide this “True Spirit of Christmas” for us
We look outside of ourselves and we complain about “what the world is coming to!”
But the fact is that we all live “within our own lives.” Our own universe, our life, is what we decide to make it, for ourselves.
It is a well known fact that you cannot change other people. You can however change yourself and you can change how you respond to other people and situations.
Buddha said ”
All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” The mind is everything. What we think we become.”(563-483 B.C.)
That was a very, very long time ago. Since then so many spiritual leaders, philosophers, guides, enlightened people have given us the same message.
YOU can choose your own experience.
My challenge then for all of us this year is to take some personal responsibility for our own experience of Christmas.
Don’t focus, negatively, on all that waste, and commercialism that you witness going on in the world outside of you. Instead decide to experience the True Spirit of Christmas for yourself.
Regardless of others, choose to be generous, to love, to be charitable, to be quiet, to contemplate and to care. Choose to be grateful, oh so grateful for all that you have!
Turn away from judgmental thoughts of other people’s greed and be a role model by your own behaviour.
To ignore the negative and choose the positive can in itself be a part of your personal spirit of Christmas. Rather than seeing Christmas as a time you have to “get through”, embrace it as an opportunity to remember who you truly are; a loved and loving being.
I challenge you to go on this journey.
The True Spirit of Christmas after all, lies within your own heart.
A Very Happy Christmas to you all
With love and bliss
Marléne Shaw
For counselling in Weston-super-Mare; please contact me by calling 01934 642976 or visit Counselling in Weston-super-Mare
For counselling in Taunton; please call 01934 642976 or visit Counselling in Taunton.
For Telephone counselling please call 01934 642976
For Skype counselling please fill out the form on the Online Counselling page
Story – The Little Soul and The Sun
I came across this story and it warmed my heart. I want to share it with you all. Its about forgiveness, and not hanging on to bad stuff from the past. It is called
The Little Soul and The Sun
Written By, Neal Donald Walsch.
Once upon a time, there was a little soul who said to God, “I know who I am.”
And God said, “That’s wonderful! “Who are you”?
And the little soul shouted, “I am the light!”
God smiled a big smile. “That’s right!” he exclaimed.
“You are the light.”
The little soul was so happy, for it had figured out what all the souls in the kingdom were there to figure out.
“Wow” said the little soul, “this is really cool!”
But soon, knowing who it was, wasn’t enough. The little soul felt stirrings inside, and now wanted to “be” who it was.
And so the little soul went back to God and said,
“Hi , God! “Now that I know who I am, is it okay for me to be it?”
And God said,” you mean you want to be who you already are?”
“Well” replied the little soul, “it`s one thing to know who I am, and another thing to actually be it.”I want to feel what it`s
like to be the light!”
“But you already are the light,” God repeated, smiling again.
“yes , but I want to see what that feels like!” cried the little soul.
“Well” said God with a little chuckle,” I suppose I should of known. You always were the adventuresome one.”
Then God`s expression changed “there`s only one thing…”
“What?” asked the little soul.
“Well there is nothing else but the light. You see I created nothing but what you are, and so, there is no easy way for you to experience yourself as who you are, since there is nothing that you are not.”
“Huh” said the little soul, who was now a little confused.
“Think of it this way,” said God “you are like a candle in the sun. Oh you`re there all right. Along with a million, gazillion other candles who make up the sun. It would be a sun without one of its candles … and that would not be the sun at all, for it would not shine as brightly. Yet, how to know yourself as the light when you are amidst the light – that is the question.”
“Well,” the little soul perked up, “You are God. Think of something!”
Once more God smiled.”I already have”, God said.
“Since you cannot see yourself in the light when you are in the light, we`ll surround you with darkness.”
“What`s darkness?” the little soul asked.
God replied,” It is that which you are not”
“Will I be afraid of the dark?” cried the little soul.
“Only if you choose to be”, God answered.
“There is nothing, really, to be afraid of, unless you decide that there is. You see, we are making it all up. We are pretending.”
“oh “ said the little soul, and felt better already.
Then God explained that, in order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite will appear.
“It is a great gift”, God said, “because without it, you could not know what anything is like. You could not know Warm without Cold, Up without Down, Fast without Slow. You could not know Left without Right, Here without There, Now without
Then.”
“And so, God concluded,” When you are surrounded with darkness , do not shake your fist and raise your voice and curse the darkness. Rather be a light unto the darkness, and don’t be mad about it. Then you will know who you really are, and all others will know, too. Let your light shine so that everyone will know how special you are!”
“You mean it is okay to let others see how special I am?” asked the little soul.
“Of course!” God chuckled. ”it is very okay!” But remember, `special` does not mean` better`. Everybody is special, each in their own way! Yet many have forgotten that. They will see that it is okay for them to be special only when you see that it is okay for you to be special.”
“Wow” said the little soul, dancing and skipping and laughing and jumping with joy.”I can be as special as I want to be!”
“yes , and you can start right now,” said God.
“What part of special do you want me to be?”
“Well” God explained, “Being the light is being special, and being special has a lot of parts to it. It is special to be kind. It is special to be gentle. It is special to be creative. It is special to be patient. Can you think of any other ways it is special to be?”
The little soul sat quietly for a moment. “I can think of lots of ways to be special!” the little soul then exclaimed. “It is special to be helpful. It is special to be sharing. It is special to be friendly. It is special to be considerate of others!”
“Yes” God agreed, “and you can be all of those things, or any part of special you wish to be, at any moment. That’s what it means to be the light.”
“I know what I want to be, the little soul announced with great excitement. “I want to be the part of special called `forgiving`. Isn`t it special to be forgiving?”
“Oh yes”, God assured the little soul. “That is very special”.
“Okay”, said the little soul.”That`s what I want to be. I want to be forgiving. I want to experience myself as that.”
“Good” said God, “but there is one thing you should know”.
The little soul was becoming a bit impatient now. It always seems as though there was some complication.
“What is it?” the little soul sighed.
“There is no one to forgive.”
“No one?” The little soul could hardly believe what had been said.
“No one!” God repeated.”Everything I have made is perfect. There is not a single soul in all creation less perfect than you. Look around you.”
It was then that the little soul realized a large crowd had gathered. Souls had come from far and wide – from all over the kingdom for the word had gone forth that the little soul was having this extraordinary conversation with God, and everyone wanted to hear what they were saying. Looking at the countless other souls gathered there, the little soul had to agree. None appeared less wonderful, less magnificent, or less perfect than the little soul itself. Such was the wonder of the souls gathered, so bright was the light , that the little soul could scarcely gaze upon them.
“Who then, to forgive?” asked God.
“Boy, this is going to be no fun at all!” grumbled the little soul.”I wanted to experience myself as one who forgives. I wanted to know what that part of special felt like.”
And the little soul learned what it must feel like to be sad. But just then a friendly soul stepped forward from the crowd.
“Not to worry little soul”, the friendly soul said, “I will help you.”
“You will?” The little soul brightened. “But what can you do?”
“Why, I can give you someone to forgive!”
“You can?”
“Certainly!” chirped the friendly soul. “I can come into your next lifetime and do something for you to forgive.”
“But why? Why would you do that?” the little soul asked ”You, who is a being of such perfection . You, who vibrate`s with such a speed that it creates a light so bright that I can hardly gaze upon you. What could cause you to want to slow down your vibration to such a speed that your bright light would become dark and dense? You who move` s through the kingdom with the speed of your thought`s to come into my life and make yourself so heavy that you could do this bad thing?”
“Simple,” the friendly soul said. “I would do it because I love you.”
The little soul seemed surprised at the answer.
“Don’t be so amazed,” said the friendly soul, “you have done the same thing for me. Don`t you remember?
Oh we have danced together many times.
Through the eons and across all the ages how we have danced.
Across all time and in many places we have played together.
You just don’t remember”
“We have both been all of it. We have been the up and the down of it, the Left and the Right of it. We have been the Here and the There of it the Now and the Then of it. We have been the male and the female, the good and the bad , we have both been the victim and the villain of it.”
“Thus have we come together you and I , many times before, each bringing to the other the exact and perfect opportunity to express and experience who we really are. And so”, the friendly soul explained further, “I will come into your next lifetime and be the `bad one` this time. I will do something really terrible, and then you can experience yourself as the one that forgives.”
“But what will you do?” the little soul asked nervously,” that will be so terrible?”
“Oh” replied the friendly soul with a twinkle, “we`ll think of something”
Then the friendly soul seemed to turn serious, and said in a quiet voice, “ you are right about one thing, you know”
“What is it?” the little soul wanted to know.
“I will have to slow down my vibration and become very heavy to do this- not-so- nice thing .I will have to pretend to be something very unlike myself. And so, I have one favour to ask of you in return.”
“Oh anything , anything!” cried the little soul, and began to dance and sing “ I get to be forgiving, I get to be forgiving!”
Then the little soul saw the friendly soul was remaining very quiet.
“What is it?” the little soul asked.”What can I do for you?” you are such an angel to be willing to do this for me!”
“Of course this friendly soul is an angel!” God interrupted.
“Everyone is!” always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels”
And so the little soul wanted more than ever to grant the friendly souls request.”What can I do for you?” the little soul asked again.
“In the moment that I strike you and smite you,” the friendly soul replied, “ in the moment that I do the worst to you that you possibly imagine – in that very moment….”
“Yes” the little soul interrupted, “yes..?” “Remember who I really am”.
“Oh I will! “ cried the little soul, “I promise!” I will always remember you as I see you right here, right now!”
“Good,” said the friendly soul, “because , you see, I will have been pretending so hard, I will have forgotten myself. And if you do not remember me as I really am, I may not be able to remember for a very long time. And if I forget who I am, you may even forget who you are, and we will both be lost. Then we will need another soul to come along and remind us both of who we are.”
“No we won’t!” the little soul promised again, “I will remember you! And thank you for bringing me this gift- the chance to experience myself as who I am”.
And so, the agreement was made. And the little soul went forth into a new lifetime, excited to be the light, which was very special, and excited to be that part of special called forgiveness.
And the little soul waited anxiously to be able to experience itself as forgiveness, and to thank whatever other soul made it possible. And at all the moments in that new lifetime, whenever a new soul appeared on the scene, whether that new soul brought joy or sadness… especially if it bought sadness… the little soul thought of what God had said.
“Always remember.” God had smiled, “I have sent you nothing but angels.”
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